I’ve always been rather goals oriented. Yet, this New Years, I didn’t really jump into the whole process of naming my goals and aspirations for the year. I do, however, have direction. For quite some time while I’m in this season of life with two young children at home, I’ve noticed a growing desire to nurture myself into wholeness. While I try to nurture my own growth, I know that my heart is always eager to talk about my process in hopes it supports others.
A topic I’ve returned to over and over again the last few years is the idea that the more we take care of and tend to ourselves, the better off our children will be. More important than any parenting tactic, any set of things we teach, is paying attention to how we show up to our children. Who we are is more important to our children than what we do.
I’ve found such grace in this statement. It’s felt like a soft invitation, rather than a nose to the ground goal to achieve this year. How do we offer a happy, well-rested and contented parent to our children?
Before I jump into ideas, it makes me think of a story from my early days as a therapist. While interning, I was offering self-care suggestions to a mother. To be clear: it was one of those moments where we don’t know what we don’t know. I was talking all about just “getting to the gym” as an act of self-care without really understanding the demands of parenthood. So, in this note, I’m not going to offer hard and true suggestions, more soo gentle invitations. Needless to say, that young mother did not come back. Clearly, I did not “get it.”
Only you know your schedule and how to make your family rhythm work for you. Approach these suggestions from a place of worthiness. You’re worth the changes that help you be your best self.
First, let’s look at some things that help overall well-being. These suggestions are taken from the book “Heaven on Earth” by Sharifa Oppenheimer. Ask yourself these questions:
How much restful sleep am I getting? Are there any habits I want to start to create a more restful environment (examples: dim the lights at least 30 minutes before bedtime, put your phone to sleep an hour before your own bedtime, limit clutter in the bedroom)
Am I giving myself the gift of nourishing foods? Is there anything I need to do in this area to pay attention to how I’m fueling my body?
Is there time for movement and exercise?
Do I have a sense of purpose in my life?
I remember when I just had my son, even though I loved my children with all of my being, I struggled with that last question. I often laughed that my life changed quickly from “dissertations to diapers.” I went from the world of academia to almost full-time motherhood. With the addition of my second child and a young toddler at home, it felt like Groundhogs Day for the first year. Our life seemed to revolve around nap times and diapers!
A big thing for me to reconnect to my purpose and find greater joy in this beautiful role of “mother” was to be diligent in giving myself space to pursue an activity that is truly mine and that makes me feel alive.
What would that be for you, friend? What brings you life?
The final area that can aid our journey to wholeness is making space for avenues that lead to deep inner work. Recently I finished reading the book, “Practicing the Way” by John Mark Comer. The book is about practicing the way of Jesus. Although my faith journey has taken many different paths the last twenty years, recently I’ve found myself mesmerized by the person of Jesus. As I found myself reading this book about how to be an apprentice of Jesus, he mentioned one aspect that I whole-heartedly believe is vital to our deep inner work. In the book, he discussed the need for contemplation. In the Christian world, this is a prayer practice that helps us sit with God. The goal is to be with God and allow God in the inner spaces of who we are. If this is not your thing, mindfulness meditation could be a great way to bring stillness into your being as an alternative practice.
What would it look like to have a 10-minute period a day for cultivating inner stillness?
I know for myself it’s a practice that helps me show up more centered. It helps me refresh my soul and be slightly less triggered in those moments that can feel a tad bit icky (and even those moments that are unbearably annoying ;)…)
When we step into this work of tending to ourselves, we can gift our children a calm (er) and sturdy (er) leader as their own little bodies are working through such a time of growth and learning. I always find it so fascinating that while our children are growing and becoming in this world, we too are invited into this work of growing and becoming.
The question is, who are we becoming?
We are always becoming something. May we gift ourselves the time and space to heal and love more deeply. Maybe our marker of growth in our lives this year can be about how much love is present? Happy rooting, friends!
Комментарии